There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
