I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
