oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
