we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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