dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
