she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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