omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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