Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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