I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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