is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
