I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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