Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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