I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
