It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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