I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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