There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
