he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
