She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
