dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
