see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
