i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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