it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize