At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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