You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
