So drunk its hurt
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
