Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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