Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
