I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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