She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Randomize
