Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
time to smoke my breakfast
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
