okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
