A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
