Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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