Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
