I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
