Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
