I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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