Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
