Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize