Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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