i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
