Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
