umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
