watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
