After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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