They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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