Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
