My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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