Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
