I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
