So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
