Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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