Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
