Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize