I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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