Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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