it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
