He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
