i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
