genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
