There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize