Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
